In the last blog we explored the idea of removing toxic people from your life. It can be a difficult process but an important one, with huge potential for deep healing. And is arguably the most important first step in claiming back your personal power in order to start calling in the right people. But do you know how to begin healing after a toxic relationship?
Some of us have spent so much time taking on the role of ‘people pleaser’, that we have forgotten how to put our own needs first. Often resulting in us holding onto all the people and responsibilities which come into our lives, whether they make it better or not.
Personally, I was surprised at how much of a positive knock on affect, removing toxic people had, throughout the rest of my life. And still does today.
So with that in mind, once you let go of all the negative people, where do you go from there? You may be left with some big gaps that need filling; often these people play a huge role in our lives as family, partners or friends. So what do we do once we have cut those cords?
Perspective is everything when it comes to deeply emotional healing work like this. Yes those toxic people will leave some holes but by looking at the empty space as an opportunity to refill your life and energy with positive things, the transition can be much smoother. Try to see the empty space as the good thing that it is, because it means you have created room for new! For better, for more aligned people and energies.
Get to know yourself again before calling in the right people
It’s easy to jump straight in thinking you need to pad out the empty space with new people. You can feel energetically naked after holding on to so much of other peoples weight. It is essential to work on healing, working out your boundaries and deciding what kind of people you want in your life, before calling anyone new in.
If we call people in too soon, we are likely to repeat the same mistakes and attract the energies we have become accustomed to. If we really want to surround ourselves with positive people, we absolutely have to do the healing work first.
First on your agenda should be getting to know yourself in this new place.
All of that energy that you were giving away to others, is now free to put into yourself – time for self care and figuring out how much energy you need to keep for YOU.
Time for healing and release work….
Only when you are emotionally balanced, comfortable with where you want to be heading next and have established your boundaries, is it time to call in your new circle.
Heal and Release
None of this work is easy, be prepared to really lean into your feelings. Remember that everything that comes up, is just an emotion. It can’t hurt you. It’s just an emotion trying to work its way through and out of you. Once it is gone, and you have rested to regain your energy, you will feel light and free and lifted!
We will all have our own ways of processing and working through emotions but here are my personal favourites. These are the ones I have found that work the best for me. Feel free to try them, adapt them or gain inspiration from them.
Release your emotions
One of my favourite ways to do release work is through writing. This works well for me and my thoughts flow easily through the medium of writing. But if this doesn’t work for you, you can try release meditations. Things like visualisation practices in the bath where you release your feelings into the water and then drain it away.
Release through writing
Mindset and intention are everything when it comes to doing release work because it is exactly that – work. It’s not easy leaning into your body, mind and trusting the process. At Wild as the Moon, one of our go-to ways to open ourselves up to getting started with release work is to intentionally brew and sip ceremonial grade cacao.
As you make it, place any intentional herbs or ingredients and mentally pour your intentions into it whilst stirring. Drink in everything you just created. Sit for a while with your thoughts whilst sipping on your warm elixir and really relax yourself into feeling everything you are carrying with you.
Some of my favourite additions to her brew are:
-A little salt for protection and to assist release,
-A little cinnamon to energise and enhance intention,
– Nutmeg for stability and grounding
Now that you’ve relaxed and opened your heart, it’s time to start getting all of those feelings out via journalling. Write about how you’re feeling, tell the paper all of the things you never got the chance to say or wish you could say. Write about who or what has upset you, made you angry, filled you with fear or any other negative feelings.
Be ruthless, be honest, just get it all out onto the paper. Have a god sob if you need to, let those tears flow!
If you make this a regular practise you may find you have nothing major to let go of eventually. But it’s still good practise to write out the little day to day stresses from the month. It will help to maintain a better emotional equilibrium within, if you deal with things straight away instead of letting them build up.
This practise can be incredibly powerful and informative. It can help you get clarity on how you really feel about situations and how ready you really are to let go of it. If you struggle with words, start by writing out single sentences or key words around the situation or feeling. It is the intention that matters after all.
Once you have written everything out you want to, it is time to let go of it all and release it back out to the Universe. Tear up everything you have just written and burn it in a candle bit by bit, visualising the smoke carrying away all of that negativity. (We recommend doing this outside and make sure you do this in a fireproof dish and put all embers out before leaving it)
Forgiveness is a difficult but important part of releasing. Certain actions by others can seem unforgivable, but when feelings of resentment are left to sit within us and stagnate over the years, it becomes heavy and toxic.
When we hold on to grudges and resentment, it does not make the situation better, it does not help us or anyone else. In fact, all it serves to do is to act as self punishment. It has no impact on the person or situation we feel anger toward, it only eats away inside of us.
It can take time to reach this point, but when you are ready, it is important to release what you have been holding onto.
When you are ready to face the situation in your mind, it can be good, if possible, to try to think of the lessons it has taught you. Try to think what it has put into perspective for you, what it has shown you. Perhaps it is simply to learn what kind of behaviour you will not tolerate. Perhaps there is a lesson there in seeing how precious life really is, or the importance of making time for your family. For without bad, we cannot comprehend or be grateful for the good.
Whether this is possible for your situation or not, it’s still important to let go of it in time. When you are ready to. Allow yourself to feel all of the feelings before doing this though, we are all human after all.
If you are able to start seeing the experience like this, it can help to release some of the pain and enable you to let go of the negativity you have been holding onto.
Once we have processed releasing negative emotions, it is important to replace that energy with positivity.
A wonderful way of doing this is with gratitude.
It can be as simple as writing a list of 10 thing which you are grateful for. They can be big or tiny, as long as they bring you joy. Read the list back to yourself, feeling the the feelings that your chosen things bring you.
This is a wonderful habit to get into and often a really beautiful way to start your day is to write a list of 2 or three things which you are grateful for, to set you up with the best mindset.
Self Care Tips
After doing all of this work it’s important to consistently practice self care. This will help you to establish and maintain your boundaries, and keep on top of all the day to day stresses and strains to keep you balanced and happy.
I recommend the following. You can do all or just a few of them, whatever feels good to you.
- Journalling monthly
- Regular bath rituals
- Daily gratitude lists
- Taking important and consistent ‘me time’ to read, draw, create; whatever you love doing. Make sure you block out time for you.
- Regular meditations
- Spend time in nature
- Design a morning routine/ evening routine
- Create a space at home that is entirely your sanctuary
Sending Wild love and healing energy your way.
P.S If you need any guidance in the mean time, Tarot can offer wonderful insight into the areas of your life you need to be focusing on. Or to give yourself perspective. It can be a truly powerful tool.