Removing toxic people from your life is a well covered subject. Probably because it’s arguably one of the most important things you can do for yourself. Not only to shed the negative energy lingering within and around you, but also just because life is too damn short to be unhappy!
Are there are people in your precious bubble, who bring you more stress, anxiety, tears or frustration, than they bring you joy, compassion, love or empathy? Then it can only be a good thing to let them go.
Although this a well talked about subject, it is not to say that this is an easy process or a straightforward one. I have however, gone through this process a number of times over the years. And honestly, once the grief hole they left you with has been refilled with your own positivity and energy- it is so worth it.
The first time you actually stand up for yourself and decide “enough is enough, I choose me” is by far the hardest. Like everything new in life, it is the unknown. Therefore it is scary.
You might be concerned about what other people might think. You may worry that cutting someone out makes you a bad person. Then there is the time it takes to heal the wounds this toxic person left you with. It’s all a process and once you come to know that process and realise much of it is just our ego trying to keep us safe and urging you to ‘stick with the Devil you know’, you will find that by putting yourself first is not so scary after all.
They say we are a culmination of the people we keep closest to us.
Let that sink in for a minute. Try to think of the people who you keep around you.
What is their energy like?
Are they positive, with a good outlook on life?
Do they bring you joy?
What do they add to the richness of your life?
Do they give you as much as they take from you?
How do you think this person affects your energy and outlook?
Why it is important to be removing toxic people from your life
Life is a cycle. Everything within it is a cycle.
Nothing ever stays the same.
People come in, people go out, situations come in and then they go out. If you break it down in this way it’s not quite so overwhelming.
When I think of this process I often think of the Death card in Tarot. This card does not symbolise literal death, it symbolises transition; the death of what was to make room for the new.
” The Death card marks the conclusion of one aspect of life and the start of another…. It marks the perpetual transference of energy from one form on existence into another. Have no fear of your metamorphosis! Accept that change is inevitable and permanent… Good things are waiting to emerge from bad situations. New creations will arise from decay, and revitalize what has been ruined. All that is old will soon be swept away, clearing the path for new and promising beginnings.”Deviant Moon Tarot by Patrick Valenza
We only have so much space to give to others, and we only have a certain amount of energy we can give without it being detrimental to our own well being.
Once something or someone no longer serves your life in a positive way, even if they once did, it’s a sure sign that it is time for that transition to take place. We need to let go of things in order to make room for new and better things. If we hold on to everyone and everything that comes into our life, we become stagnant and un-moving.
Life is a continuous learning experience and in order to grow and develop to our fullest potential, we need to be shedding the old and moving forward to the new. Part of that experience is the emotional hardship. But the strength and pride you will feel for choosing yourself and your own happiness is truly empowering.
How to begin removing toxic people from your life
There are multiple ways in which you can go about this process but I wanted to share an experience with you that I had. I talk about a practise called Cord Cutting, which is becoming more and more well known. And is an important last step in energetically detaching yourself from the person you need to let go of.
It’s not always as easy as just deciding be done with a person, emotions are complex and relationships are complex too. This person may be a part of your family, or a life long friend. Someone you live with or are in a relationship with. Human companionship is complex and it’s up to you to find the right way to start this process of letting go. A way that is right for your unique relationship.
Often when we have a toxic person in our lives, we get in the habit of wanting to please them. We give so much energy to them over the years and months that we create a bond with them that can be hard to walk away from, despite knowing life would be easier without them.
Cutting off that emotional/energetic bond is possibly just as important as saying ‘no’ in the first place.
My experience of removing a toxic person from my life.
I could feel it. Although I had done everything I could to allow myself and my life to move on physically, there was still a huge connection between us energetically.
I felt as if it didn’t matter what I did, the draw continued to pull me in. It didn’t matter how bad things got, how vile the behaviour became, how adamant I was that we were done and over. I found myself drawn back.
It was time to seek out putting an end to this once and for all. And I chose to do that with the help of a spiritual healer. She talked me through the basic process before we started but I am a very visual thinker and it was more powerful an experience than I ever anticipated. In hardly any time at all, I was sinking into a deeply powerful hypnotic/ meditative state, to remove this person from my energy.
After a little time connecting to spirit, I was taken into a room in my minds eye. In this room I was sat in a chair and I had a table next to me, covered in different tools. A knife, scissors, a saw…
She asked me to start scanning my body for energy cords which no longer serve me. She explained than in time as we pour energy into people, it creates a bond that needs to be severed.
I found one energy cord coming from my collar bone on my right shoulder which I cut with scissors from the table. And another on the side of my neck which I snipped through easily too. These cords belonged to other people who I thought I had removed from my life. As this journey has shown me, there is much more to the process of healing, than physically removing myself from a situation.
The third and final cord I found was quite a shock. It was massive, like a small tree trunk and it was attached to my lower abdomen. It was overwhelming to be honest and far too large for the scissors I was holding. I ended up using a saw to cut this massive cord, it took almighty effort to get through all the layers, I wasn’t sure if I even had the strength.
Eventually I got through it. Once broken, I blocked the end of the cord with silver wax so that it could never attach itself again. Next, I had to find the other end of the cord, the end attached to them; their Higher Self.
It’s important to send these people away with love and gratitude for the the lessons they have taught us.
When I met them in my minds eye, I explained it was the best thing for both of us and I wanted them to move on too because our lessons were learned and it was time to let go. It’s important to send these people away with love and gratitude for the the lessons they have taught us. Even if that lesson is showing us where our boundaries lay. Eventually I managed to get through this end too.
It was an incredibly strange feeling coming back from this meditative state. I immediately burst into tears and felt this huge sense of loss and sadness. For a couple of days afterwards I felt as if I was grieving. A huge part of my energy had changed and was now gone. But once I patched myself up with self care and self love, I felt lighter. More free and far more focused on my own needs than I had in years.
Is it time for you to be removing toxic people from your life?
Remember, you cannot grow and delve into the new, if you hold too tightly onto the old.
Sending Wild love your way, Gina
P.S, if you need a little guidance to get you started on your journey in removing a toxic person from you life, I am always hugely honoured to receive Tarot reading requests. I am fiercely passionate about empowering women to take control of their destiny and guide them to find the tools they need to walk the path they truly desire to walk.